… Against Domestic Abuse

 

When I discovered that the month of  April is dedicated to creating awareness on Abuses in some enclaves, I thought it would be nice that this Month’s Wisdom Nuggets is centered on this very worrisome subject, Domestic violence /Abuse.

However, for weeks I contemplated the angle to take my writing from, to no avail. Having survived a good measures of these pin falls, it is disheartening because women are the most vulnerable and the worst hit by this dastardly acts.  Nevertheless I will try to make this piece relatively objective without boring you with my personal experiences or blaming any gender in particular.

In recent times,  the demise of a popular Christian gospel singer, Mrs. Osinachi Nwachukwu, who was rumoured to have been abused by her husband, an act allegedly  responsible for her eventual death; the increasing rate of domestic violence / abuses in marriages and relationships of notable nobles and celebrities; and several other cases of inquiries and death further strengthen my bias to lend a piece against this society, family and human wrecker.

The United Nations (UN) defines “domestic violence or “intimate partner violence”, as a pattern of behaviour in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. …This includes any behaviour that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating” (https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse).

It might interest you to know that any intimidating act meted at another in a manner that makes the recipient feel endangered, unhappy, deprived, intimidated, uncomfortable or less worthy of being is Abuse; and that the abuser’s action is actually an indication of a critical stage of mental break down.

It is not new, it is everywhere: Abuses are real and happening even right now; someone somewhere is being abused right now, someone is been beaten, insulted, pushed, shamed, brought down, starved, deprived and betrayed for no reason; not like any reason would have been justifiable.

Men, women, girls and boys are physically, emotionally, socially and economically persecuted for no fault of theirs but just because another adjudged them weak and worthless; because a victim not detected or treated has grown into a monster too, unleashing same or even more terror on whoever is near; and or because it is condoned by the society.

Fear, misinformation, undeserved trust, inadequate moral, financial, psychological, environmental and institutional support are some of the reasons victims are coerced into enduring this physical and mental trauma. Even worse is the fact that many people for lack of adequate enlightenment don’t even know that they are been abused or that they are not deserving of the inhuman treatment, they don’t know their rights or options and therefore accept this state.

Surprisingly, a good number of people, even the elites endure abuses because of the shame of what the society will say, this group fear(s) that they will be regarded as bad examples, impatient and unworthy ambassadors of marriage; however, what is unknown to these group is that by condoning to the act, they are further empowering their abusers to do worse and might just be unconsciously, raising another generation of abusers, in persons of their children and wards who are unwilling spectators in this theatre of the absurd.

It is a pity that in this day of endless information and knowledge sharing, some people still submit to such nonsensical idiosyncrasy ; to the point that their cultural or and religious make beliefs (misunderstood by their subjectivity) beclouds their sense of  personal safety and well-being to enduring years of abuse passively.

It is happening in schools, homes, work places, in the virtual world, everywhere; by people you will least expect to be found culpable. People to whom trust and welfare have been bequeathed, loved ones, sect and religious brethren, constituted authorities, etc.

The damage this dreaded evil has caused is better imagined than experienced. If the allegations  making the rounds be true, the torture and eventual death of Mrs. Osinachi following the ill-treatment meted on her by her husband is just another avoidable calamity foisted by the desire to stay married at all cost. Oh! If only she had considered other options, maybe, just maybe.

Commendably, people from all strata of our society are speaking and taking a stand against the barbaric act; but these submissions encapsulates better and I can’t agree less: Father Chinenye John Oluoma, a Catholic Priest, cautioning married couples said “Don’t die avoidable death….God can save you miraculously from death, accidents, armed robbers, bandits, all manner of calamities but you see a violent husband or wife, you have to safe yourself: Run”.

According to Charles J. Orlando, an Author, Relationship Coach and Television show host, “A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn’t want for her daughter, nor allow any man to treat her in a manner she could scold her son for”.

While I pray that this out burst of condemnation by the public won’t just be an initial gragra or fickle show of support, or another political brouhaha to mislead the electorates; I hope stakeholders and the general public will keep propagating for a better society and relationships; one that will encourage love, mutual respect and support for one another.

No one deserves to be maltreated and none should be quiet at the site of the slightest form of abuse. Separation, dissolution and divorce are options readily available for exploration and adoption to avoid any unnecessary complications, damages or stories that touch.

Beware of stands and statements like:

I made a vow!

My faith and or family expect me to stay faithful through all.

What will people say?

I will intensify my prayers and fasting.

What will happen to my children? these options will destroy them.

Where will I start from?

He/she will change

He/ she is undergoing so much pressure, this phase will end soon.

I have put in so much time and resources into this relationship, I just can’t walk away.

My case is not so bad, I will overcome.

He/she has apologized again, there is no need to confide in a third party; we must keep our family out of public conversations.

He/ she only gets aggressive when under substance influence; otherwise it’s a wonderful companionship.

On a normal day he/ she is the sweetest being on earth.

I can manage, it’s not so bad, moreover maybe it’s something I did wrong, I must have provoked him or her.

I will be more submissive, henceforth I will never talk.

All these statements above are not just red flags, they are unrealistic excuses made by victims or what is known as ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ .

It is a clear indication that the abuser or even both parties (the abuser and the abused) needs urgent help and it starts with admitting that there is a problem, speaking out, taking a break and getting professional attention; the admonition, “a closed mouth is a closed destiny” comes to mind here.  Beware of pretentious show of repentance!

If you ever find yourself constantly making excuses for someone’s ill habits, beware it is a red flag!; it is not your responsibility to fix an unrepentant abuser, neither is it in your place to endure his or her emotional, psychological or physical jabs.

Don’t be afraid to choose the option that best suits your well-being and safety; don’t be pressured by anyone or group or norm to remain in a toxic environment. Let them say, let them laugh, let them muse, it is your life to live. Identify the problems; seek information, take a break away from your abuser and the toxic environments. Remember, “heaven helps those who help themselves” and the trust that good couples will continue-on hereafter, is a just colloquial myth.

 While it is no doubt true that God can supernaturally fix marriages, other relationships and the parties involved, it is wise to pray and fast from afar, as it is said, “wisdom is profitable to direct” and “time is an asset”. Therefore, give God the necessary space and time to fix that broken vessel; Stay away and allow God remold, remodel that character while also healing you; possibly for a better comeback and compatible reasonable relationship.

Meanwhile we must come to terms with the fact that some people are better off apart and if you by any chance matters, he or she won’t be okay losing you.

In summary, the crop of this communication is to:

  1. Celebrate survivours of domestic abuse and say to them: you will be fine, Trust God and take one day at a time.
  2. Encourage victims to speak out and seek help: Talk to someone, don’t be silent; in speaking out, you save so many people apart from yourself.
  3. Enjoin culprits to own up, seek necessary help, make a commitment to turn a new leaf and say to them: You can still be fixed, if you will.
  4. Call on parents and other stakeholders to caution and counsel their children and wards right on the pros and cons of abuse.
  5. Call on all government agencies (The Police, Judiciary and other anti-abuse law Enforcement, Enlightenment Agencies), NGOs and Religious institutions and leaders to speak out and be more proactive in addressing issues of domestic violence/abuse.
  6. Most importantly, this is a clarion call on all and sundry to join the campaign against all forms of domestic violence /abuses and intimidation.

Don’t indulge, don’t endure it, don’t ignore it; If you see or feel something inappropriate, say something, do something right; speak to someone, seek help. Remember, tyranny prevails in the face of unwarranted docility and silence.

If you by any chance appreciate this post, please don’t forget to like, follow, share and or leave a comment. Do have a blessed March 2022 and beyond!

Hoping someone will exhale, smile, learn and be motivated today🕊️🥂.

 

 

Published by Avoswahi

I am a Media and Public Relations Professional. I am a Motivator. I am a Simple and easy going, a happy Person. I appreciate books, music, movies and other creative works. I am Committed to positively impacting the world. I am a Nigeria! I am simply a healing soul, on a quest to create beautiful 🥰 moments and memories of hope, laughter and faith. Hoping to learn and share. I love life, faith, arts, communication, music, books, family, freedom, peace, grace, fashion, writing, photography, colours, architecture, Construction, plants…. Now you know, my list is endless 😂.

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